just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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