I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize