In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
