i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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