i drank out of a bidet.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
