I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
