We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
