Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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