So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
