He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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