I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
