Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
