the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
