i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
