Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
