since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
