At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
