Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
