I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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