hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
where are you?
Hypothermia
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize