It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
