remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
