I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
