in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
