normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
