Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize