did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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