Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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