Are we in a gay sports bar?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
