I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
