forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
