take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
