VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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