Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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