there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
