i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
