He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sarcasm needs its own font
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
