I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
