I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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