I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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