you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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