Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
