Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
