i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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