he puts the penis in happiness.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
