He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
