THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
