She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
