I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
