just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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