you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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