She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
