dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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