Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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