I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize