After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
