The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
