Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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