In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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