One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
