Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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