I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Couch. On fire.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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