why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
