sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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