so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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