I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
