I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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