I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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