genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
