And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
