So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
