that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
