The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
